Microlighters

This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

The pet shop owner told him about this talking 100-legged centipede he'd just got in and, after some discussion, he decided to buy it. It came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good location for it and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the pub to have a drink.

So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to the pub with me and have a beer?" But there wasno answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about coming to the pub and having a drink with me?"

But again, there was no answer from his new friend. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, you in there! Would you like to go to the pub and have a drink with me?


A little voice came out of the box...



















"I heard you the first time... I'm putting my f#$$%g shoes on..!"

Apparantly this one is true, read it in this months Aviation Safety mag

A guy was on a flight from A to B in the States but they had to be diverted to Las Vagas for some reason.
Anyway they stop at Las Vegas and the captain announces that they can climb off the plane for about an hour while the technical fault is corrected. As this guy steps off he notices a blind passenger sitting with his guide dog lying by his feet as they allowed to do in the states. He realizes this is a reguar passenger as the pilot steps out the cockpit and addresses the guy by name and asks if he needs some help getting off the plane to stretch his legs to which the blind man replies "no thankyou but do you mind taking my dog out for a stretch and to do whatever he needs to do." Taking advantage f the situation the captain takes the guide dog out onto the tarmac wearing his dark sunglasses in full uniform and view of all the other passengers who only now see what they assume is a blind airline captain with his dog.