Microlighters

Gister is ek Builders Warehouse toe, maar ek is nie meer seker of dit 'n wyse besluit was nie. Sien, die vorige aand het ek 'n kerrie met chillis gemaak en 'n moerse lot van die dis opgevreet. Die chillis was een van Mike se gepatenteerde "jy-bek@k-jouself-chilli" souse.

Moerse smaaklik, maar dit raak later nogal pynlik en ek kan julle n geskrewe guarantee gee dat jou hol oop hang om asem te haal die volgende dag. Jou boud wange trek so wyd oop dit lyk soos 'n spaniel se ore.

Nou toe ek vanoggend wakker word, toe verwag ek dat die 06:00 "trein" my sal toilet toe roep, maar niks het gebeur nie. Alhoewel ek kon voel hoe daai chillis deur my derms swem. Dat daai chillis wou uit was nie altemit nie, maar ek het nie meer geweet waneer nie. Maar ek het dinge gehad om te doen en moes toe Builders Warehouse toe gaan om Rubol vir die dek te kry. Daar aangekom het ek die trollie gekry en so paar ander goetertjies gekoop soos houtskroewe en double sided tape, voordat ek by die verwe en terpentyne aangekom het. Dis die verste punt van die toilet af toe daai pyn deur slaan. Ek het met my elmboe op die trollie se handvatsel geleun op daai stadium.

Skielik is my tree vanself korter en toe my holspiere toe trek toe trek daai selfde holspiere my arms ook reguit. Dit het gelyk of my bene se bearings geslaan het want ekt tot stilstand gekom. Ek dink my holspiere is deur die chillis gyselaar gehou gewees, want toe kom daar n waarskuwing skoot uit. Ek was te bang om te beweeg want anders kom daar nog walms uit, maar het geweet: "Bra, djy moet nou hardloop". Ek het in beweging gekom en net toe ek by die aisle uitstap, kom daar so bleeksiel nerd met sy Builders Warehouse pakkie en vra "More meneer. Waarmee kan ek u help?" Nou kyk.....die knaap weet van building net mooi v^%$#l, so ek mompel vinnig nee en stap aan. Ek is ook nou nie die af knouerige tipe nie, maar toe die knap verder in die aisle afstap, toe draai ek om en kyk hoe die knaap in die rigting van daai walm stap. Genade mens. Dit was asof hy in 'n muur vasgeloop het.

Ek moes hom seker gewaarsku het, maar ek het nie. Sy oge het net so geknip-knip, toe val 'n swerm onsigbare bye hom aan want hy waai sy arms en versnel in tru rat. Ek was emosioneel in twee geskeur. Ek bars uit van die lag, maar DIT waas 'n groot fout. Daar kom 'n sarsie skote daar onder uit, wat ek later hoor vir ander customers soos 'n gewapende roof geklink het. Hulle het blykbaar dekking geslaan en hul beursies en selfone tussen die rakke weg gesteek. Dinge was vir my nie meer so snaaks nie en ek jaag toe met daai trollie af toilette toe. Niemand het ook ag geslaan op my nie want almal dink ek hol van die rowers se geweerskote af weg. Maar al die pad "klap die skote" en ek hoop en bid ek maak die kakhuis voor die finale storting plaasvind. Vir once in a while was luck aan my kant. My gat het nog nie eers die sitplek geraak nie, toe vind daai einste finale storting plaas. Ek hoor toe hoe 'n arme drommel die kakhuis instap en al wat hy se is "Ma se
p..." Daarna het ek die sqeak van die kakhuis deur gehoor soos hy daar uit storm. Eventually is ek klaar en ek stap uit. Nog 'n winkel assistent kom na my toe en se "Meneer, een of ander idioot het 'n stinkbom in die winkel gelos. My
bestuurder wil he almal moet buite staan sodat hy die waaiers vir so 2 minute op full blast kan laat werk." Ek het gegrinnik, maar daar was nog "rowers" aan die anderkant van my grensdraad wat toe die laaste ligte skote afvuur nog voor ek kon knyp.

Die winkel assistent se neus het skielik gefrommel en na hy sy hemp oor sy neus getrek het, het hy sy vinger in my rigting gedruk en geskreeu "Dit was hy!" Die bestuurder het my eenkant toe geroep en ek is later formeel in kennis gestel, of liewer gese dat ek geban is by Builders Warehouse.

Ek is toe huis toe sonder die artikels wat ek wou aanskaf en net betyds vir middag ete. Al wat daar was om te eet, was gisteraand se chilli-kerrie wat toe nog beter smaak as voorheen. Ek vreet toe maar die laaste lot ook op.

Maar die dak moet geverf word met die Rubol, so more gaan ek Mica toe moet gaan.................

Could have been worse - He could have been overhead the Magalies in a trike when the chili kicked in

A young man called Peter wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend. They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived a considerable distance away. He consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note, not too romantic and not too personal.

Off he went with his sister to Harrods ladies department, and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of knickers for herself at the same time. Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and Peter got the knickers.

Good old Peter sent off his gift-wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter :

"Dear Mary,

I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove). These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled at all. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them, even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have the chance to see you again. When you take them off remember to blow into them a litle bit because they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.

All my love

Peter xx

P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing."

Oh goodness. That was so funny i'm crying.

B!&$€^^ vliegvarkie jy sal dat onse h@!!€ dit ok nie hou nie

Air Hog ek het my gat geskeur toe ek daai een lees Se my tog dit het nie al rerig met jou gebeur nie
Jean.

JeanTree wrote:Air Hog ek het my gat geskeur toe ek daai een lees Se my tog dit het nie al rerig met jou gebeur nie
Jean.

Nee Jean, gelukkig nie. Ek moes dit net deel met julle want ek het so gelag.

Ek vind die eerste een GLAD nie snaaks nie!

Eish, julle verstaan nie!

Ek was in Spar vandag...

En ....toe.....vertel bietjie....

Ek le op die en voel sorry vir myself toe ek die Storie lees ,toe ek hardtop begin lag dink die ou berg he's die medikasie tas my aan , well done you made my day , wonder hoekom is ons witwillem so stil..?

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and

he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!

"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies. . .

Wait for it. .

It's coming. .

The suspense is killing you, isn't it?

She says :

"You just happened to catch my eye."

Ou snaaksie