Flying jokes, quotes and chirps

[Blue Eagle]

The Old Pilot

You think you have lived to be 80 and know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to hell !
An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, wearing his old USMC flight suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans.... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: "Are you a real pilot?"
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

[Judge]

Cool scale Microlight trike RC

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzBWi9R9ZNE

[Judge]

A man is sitting in a plane which is about to takeoff, when another man with a dog occupies the empty seats alongside. The dog is sat in the middle, and the first man is looking quizzically at the dog when the second man explains that they work for the airline.

The airline rep said "Don't mind Rover, he is a sniffer dog, the best there is, I'll show you once we get airborne and I set him to work."

The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the first man, "Watch this." He tells the dog, "Rover, search." The dog jumps down, walks along the aisle and sits next to a woman for a few seconds. It then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the handler's arm. He says "Good boy." He turns to the first man and says, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of this, and the seat number, for the police who will apprehend her upon arrival." "Fantastic!" replies the first man.

Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. The dog sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat and places both paws on the handler's arm. The airline rep says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of this, and the seat number." "I like it!" says the first man.

Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. Rover goes up and down the plane aisle, and after a while sits down next to someone, and then comes racing back and jumps up onto the seat and craps all over the place. The first man is surprised and disgusted by this, and asks "What the heck is going on?" The handler nervously replies "He just found a bomb!"

[Judge]

I just had to put this one in funny

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0b7YKKo7e8