For Uncle Spud

[weedy]

DIARY OF A POMMIE IN LIMPOPO, SOUTH AFRICA

August 31
Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in Phalaborwa , Limpopo, South Africa on a mining contract. What a break out from hell!
Now this is a town that knows how to live! Wow!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.
I watched the African sunset from a deck chair by our pool yesterday.
It was beautiful.
I've finally found my new home.
I love it here.

September 13
Really heating up now.
It got to 31 today.
No problem though.
Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this.
I'm turning into a sun-worshipper - no blasted perpetual rain like back in Leeds !!

September 30
Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today.
Lots of palms and rocks.
No more mowing lawns for me!
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
It's Paradise !
October 10
The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week.
How do people get used to this kind of heat?
At least today it's windy though.
Keeps the flies and mosquitoes off a bit.
Acclimatizing is taking longer than we expected.

October 15
Fell asleep by the pool yesterday.
Got third degree burns over 60% of my body.
Missed three days off work.
What a dumb thing to do.
Got to respect the old African sun in a climate like this!

October 20
Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I left for work this morning.
By the time I got back to the car after work, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the upholstery.
The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat shit.
I've learned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat.

October 25
This wind is a bastard.
It feels like a giant f*#@ing blow dryer.
And it's hot as hell!
The home air conditioner is on the blink and the repair man charged R2’500 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order parts from f*#@ing Johannesburg .....The wife & the kids are complaining.

October 30
The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't arrived for the f*#@ing air conditioner.
House is an oven so we've all been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now.
Considered a family blood transfusion and permanent antihistamine and malaria treatment after mosquito holocaust presented itself. What f*#@ing climate is this?
Bloody R1’500’000 house and we can't even go inside.
Why the hell did I ever come here?

November 4
Finally got the f*#@ing air-conditioner fixed. It cost R5’000 and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it feel about 35 again.
Stupid repairman.
f*#@ing thief.

November 8
If one more smart bastard says 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to f*#@ing throttle him.
f*#@ing heat!
By the time I get to work, the car radiator is boiling over, my f*#@ing clothes are soaking f*#@ing wet and I smell like baked cat.
f*#@ing place is the end of the Earth.

November 9
Tried to run some errands on Saturday, wore shorts, and sat on the black leather upholstery in my car. I thought my f*#@ing arse was on fire.
I lost 2 layers of flesh, singed all the hair on the backs of my legs and off my f*#@ing arse.
Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat.
F*#k F*#k. F*#k

November 10
The Weather report might as well be a f*#@ing recording. Hot and sunny.
Hot and sunny, Hot and f*#@ing sunny.
It never f*#@ing changes!
It's been too hot to do anything for 2 f*#@ing months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.
F*#k !

November 15 ,
Doesn't it ever rain in this damn f*#@ing place?
Water restrictions will be next, so my R50,000 worth of palms might just dry up and blow into the f*#@ing Kruger Park.
The only things that thrive in this f*#@ing hell-hole are the f*#@ing mosquitos and flies.
You don't dare open your mouth for fear of swallowing half a dozen of the little bastards!

November 20
Welcome to HELL!
It got to 45 f*#@ing ' degrees today.
Now the air conditioners gone in my car.
The repair man came to fix it and said, 'Hot enough for you today?'
I wanted to shove the f*#@ing car up his f*#@ing arse.
Anyway, had to spend the R15’000 Bond repayment to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid prick.
f*#@ing Phalaborwa!
What kind of sick, demented f*#@ing idiot would want to live here!

December 1
- WHAT!!!! The FIRST day of Summer!!!!
You are f*#@ing kidding me!

[Air Hog]

Welcome to Africa!

[Dish]

That is very very funny !!! spud to the tee.... poor fellow - any news of him / from him??

[kloot piloot]

[Madman]

Love it

[Blue Max]

Daai f@kken Engelsman vloek soos n f@kken matroos.!!
lekker gelag,

[Grumpy]

I'm friends with 'Spud' on facebook, have told him to comment here. But he hasnt responded there for a while . So we see

[Grumpy]

He responded and says hi to everyone. Unfortunately lost his log in and password to get on here. If admins can find it let me have it and can pass on to him.

[John Boucher]

Grumps

Have sent you a message on Facebook ... send it to Jerry please. Have reset his password for him!

JB

[Grumpy]

Grumps

Have sent you a message on Facebook ... send it to Jerry please. Have reset his password for him!

JB

Got it JB Thanks have sent it on to him. Hope he pops up to say Hi and tell us what he's up to back in UK

[Uncle Spud Murphy]

Hello all. Love the pommie story. Seen it before but it still makes me laugh. Actually (Plummy accent) I quite liked the Phalaborwa (Hot) weather. Had a few sweaty horrible times when the power went orf, but really I enjoyed SA and I miss it a lot. Fides my friend. Thank you for helping me to come back onto the forum. I have misssed you guy's and you were one of the reasons that made me decide to do what we did. I had a dream to fly the sky's of SA but it never happened life's like that so not to worry. It was an adventure. We made a success of living in Phalaborwa (Thought I was going to say HOT didn't you he he) but the black cloud that hangs over SA told us to return to the UK. When I have more time and the several cells in my brain are working better than they are right now, I would like to write an update on our African Adventure. Will do it before Christmas and before I go, as I wrote to Grumpy, there's always a bed and bread here if ever you are thinking of visiting the UK Please don't turn up all at once Property prices are pretty much horrible here so I can only manage a three bedroom house in the little town of Ilminster, Somerset. You can pick it up on Google Earth TA190BE. The one in the corner with a long garden.

Alles van die beste to you all and I will be writing on the forum soon so I hope we have a few laughs at my expense



PS: Found a South African shop that sold Klipdrift. That first Brandy and coke was lekker. Now the bugger has closed down and I need to find another source for the golden liquid. No Castle or Hansa, but there is Carling. Go well fellers, god bless.

[Uncle Spud Murphy]

Daai f@kken Engelsman vloek soos n f@kken matroos.!!
lekker gelag,

Erm, just a thought mate, understood a few words but not the rest. Translate asselbelief (Yeah I know, spelt it wrong but the thoughts there)
Alles van die beste

[Tumbleweed]

He said that the fine gentlemen in the narrative expresses himself very eloquently, resembling a sailor doing something on a mattress which made him laugh and start drinking beer.

[Horned Adder]

I am surprised he satyed here for 3 months and was not mugged, hijacked or shot....he is one lucky Pommie

[Uncle Spud Murphy]

Groet (Is that right?)

Hello Horned Adder. We were there for 4.5 years and I would have stayed but, my Wife made good sense in her reasons for leaving so we are now back in the UK. I keep a close eye on SA News and I worry for your country. The Black Cloud that hangs over it are doing no good. but enough said. Watched a program last night called 'Silent Witness' all about Forensic people based in UK solving murders (Fiction). This episode was filmed in and around Cape Town and we kept saying, been there, seen that and it was good to remember. The programmers got the Black attitude to work ethic bang on the button. Ignorance, arrogance and stupidity. I met some nice Black folks while in SA and it appears that our gardener has only 12 years to serve don't know what he is in for though. As for mugging, being hijacked and shot at I had no problem with the cops because I had a direct line on my mobile to the Anti Corruption help line and apparently our Gardner was well known to the criminal elements around Phalaborwa so perhaps that is why we were left alone or maybe it had something to do with Seun. Crossed with a Shepherd and a Rottie he was quite formidable. Blacks called him a Devil Dog Now he is in the UK and just lazes about doing sod all and surplus to requirements, but we love him

Baie dankie (??) Tumbleweed for the translation of what Blue Max wrote but as it begins with "That frigging Englishman" I think I will ask my Son-in-Law for more of an exact translation. No offence given or received, Okay??

One other thing. Going to write a longish story soon and I was wondering if I could do it on MS Word and then attach it. Can I do that on this forum??

Go well to all you Microlighters and those, who like me wanted to be one but never quite got there Good fortune to you and fly safe

Alles van die beste